The husband and I are in the process of replacing our toxic life with a less toxic one. Our latex bed, mattress cover, sheets, blankets and pillows (all organic and undyed) are all scheduled to arrive later this week.
I was researching non toxic, organic living room furniture when I stumbled upon some links for multiple chemical sensitivity (MCS). Sometimes I will research a condition and it will sound like there is some overlap with the symptoms I usually experience, and I will be a little freaked out that that could be what’s wrong with me. Not so with MCS. I’m convinced it’s what I have. Well, pretty convinced.
I downloaded the book Chemical and Electrical Hypersensitivity: A Sufferer’s Memoir by Jerry Evans, and read it on my iPad. I started reading it at 8 or 9pm last night, woke up at 8am and finished it off around 3pm today. It’s the account of this man’s life, finding out about his illness and his road to recovery. It would be nice to know for certain what’s wrong with me; to get a diagnosis. But the thought of getting this particular diagnosis….doesn’t really make me feel better.
Sure, it would be a miracle if I could heal and get better….but it sounds like some people just don’t ever fully recover. That’s scary. I would have to apply to get on disability. That’s also scary. I would have to move to a new climate and build a special safe house in a special safe neighborhood, just for me. That’s scary for many reasons. Partially because we don’t have the money to do that.
I don’t want to get ahead of myself or anything….but I am scared/anxious/scared again. I always thought that once I was diagnosed I would feel this huge sense of relief. If I am diagnosed with MCS….that’s a long journey to only the possibility of recovery. Depending on how my health turns out, it could also mean that I am a financial burden on our family. That would make me feel like a disappointment.
Don’t get me wrong, my husband is 100% supportive. At this point though, I can’t help but feel like a burden. But like I said, maybe I shouldn’t get too ahead of myself. I have my first appointment with a functional medicine doctor on Tuesday. That means I have to wait two entire days still.
Also. Not sure how safe my work is for me. Working with a whole bunch of computers? Makes me think that maybe I shouldn’t go to work tomorrow. Or ever again.
People with MCS get worse and worse from exposure to chemicals. It actually causes physical damage to their bodies. Computers heat up and emit toxic fumes, such as flame retardants, formaldehyde, mercury, lead, hexavalent chromium, etc. I work in an office where we repair computers. Like I said. I’m not sure that I should go to work tomorrow.
